For those of you unfamiliar with Harvey Levin's latest mind dump, TMZ is 30 minutes of US Weekly only more obnoxious, if that's at all possible. I was watching it the other night (the local Fox affiliate needs to do a better job of cycling Family Guy reruns) and realized that the entire show can be condensed in a fraction of the time. As a public service, I've listed TMZ in a nutshell.
Harvey: I've got my venti cappucino from Starbucks. Anybody who dares call it a large will be fired!! It's venti, goddamit! That said, what've we got today?
Bug Eyed Girl: I have Tony Danza leaving a Jiffy Lube.
Harvey: Oh, yes!!! Gimme gimme MORE, gimme MORE! God, I love being a celebrity stalking douche. Want to fuck later?
Bug Eyed Girl: No, thank you. I'm currently being nailed by Patrick Duffy.
Harvey: Hmmm, I can't say I blame you. Duffy is a fine specimen of man. What else do we have?
Fabio Wannabe: Well, as I was unbuttoning my shirt to show just the right amount of chest, I found an internet video of Britney Spears.....opening a door!
Harvey: Oh God yes!! Somebody pinch my nipples! What else?
Metrosexual Mike: I have Paris Hilton being gang banged by a truck full of day laborers outside a Home Depot.
Harvey: Yes!! Let me write that one on my clear dry erase board. That makes it look like we have legitimate office jobs.
Token Black Guy: I have a picture of Jessica Simpson in sweatpants.
Harvey: Jesus Christ! A celeb wearing sweatpants? That's certainly more newsworthy than the war in Iraq! And why isn't anybody pinching my nipples yet? Anything else?
Bug Eyed Girl: Apparently a black hawk helicopter got shot down in Iraq today, bring the total US casualties to...
(dead silence)
Harvey: Get the fuck out!
There you are! I just saved you all 30 minutes. You're welcome.
9 comments:
tmz does suck. its for all those brain dead morons who find this kinda crap interesting.
Harvey Levin is a big fag and a chaser of young cock. The only people who think this show rocks are gay men and 16 year old girls who crave daily coverage of Unfitney Spears.
Hey Harv-chasing boy cock in LasVegas hotel bars is gross.
thank you. you nailed it perfectly.
i concur
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TMZ is one of the best shows on tv!!!!
Get over your self
Awesome to see others have such passionate disgust after only one run-through. I happened upon it bored once, kept expecting something to happen. everyone in the end was where they were sitting or standing by the end, and the world doth no greater because of that.
So this punk is a faggot? Damn. Should have figured with all the fake laughs and pretentious bullshit.
What a prick at almost 64 years old acting like a 20 year old. Stupid jew bitch.
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